.Faery Fiasco

Sometimes, being a parent is just hard.

That, or sometimes I just screw it up.

Or both.

Thankfully I have a wonderful relationship with my kids so if I do anything to scar them, maybe they will forgive me later in professional counselling. ;]

So, as for the title of the post! Ms. Olivia lost her 5th tooth!

[may I interject I don't remember all of my teeth falling out super close together. Then again, I really only remember 2 tooth instances, so apparently the others weren't that exciting]

It's the third tooth she has lost at school.  They come home with them in this cute little "tooth necklace" [not pictured, and you will know why later!].

Well the last lost tooth, Olivia wanted to "clean" it for the tooth faery after I adamently explained she had her own tooth cleaning machine and would take care of it.

"But Mom, she shouldn't touch other people's blood. That's gross and has germs"

Mmk.

You know the story. Small child, running water, teeeeny tiny tooth. Down the drain it went.

And Olivia was crushed.

But she has this fun little ritual of writing to every made up holiday creature [IE: Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Faery..] Each one gets their note, cookies [or a carrot, or a tooth] and those silly creatures continue to write her back on scraps of paper in handwriting that looks nothing like Mom's.

It's a sweet tradition and I cherish it.

So last time she wrote Ms. Faery explaining about her tooth and the drain and gave her directions to find it in which bathroom, etc. It was hilarious. She was soo excited to find her note the next morning with the Faery dictating how fun the drain was to "slide down like a waterslide" and she got the tooth and it's safe and sound and yada yada. She hasn't stopped talking about it.

So this tooth, bless it, was lost on a playdate with their Papa and Brenda.  Brenda wasn't able to bring herself to tell Olivia of said lost tooth [she was in charge of the tooth necklace while fun was being had] and said she was going to "show it to Mom when she gets home and Mom will put it under the pillow"... Nice save. Except Mom forgot. And Mom left Olivia's note to the Faery and the empty bag and some forgotten bills... on the kitchen table.  Very... "Un Faery Like"

The look on Olivia's face as she gathered these bits and pieces that should be neatly tucked under her pillow tied up with a cute ribbon and a fancy note or something. She said,

"Man the tooth Faery must have been in a hurry! but Mom, why wouldn't she have wrote me back?"

So one last time, I had to pull the wool over her eyes.  As she came out from getting ready for school

"Oh Olivia, what's that that fell down under the table?"

She's got me all figured out, I can see it in her eyes.  We are both terrible liars.  But she wanted to believe me so very badly that she wore a huge smile

and let it make her day anyway.

Gosh, I love that kid. :]

All is well. I haphazardly saved the crisis.

She took her note to Show and Tell.

And Sebastian's been asking me to see if his teeth are wiggly all day.

<3>C

.Deactivate

Everything in Moderation.

 If we all would abide by this incredibly healthy and helpful piece of advice... well... we would probably all be more healthy, and helpful.

As much as I thoroughly enjoy keeping up with people, hearing about their successes, being invited to pray and meditate them through a stressful situation, keep up to date with who is having babies and birthday parties, have first knowledge to shows I will find myself front row at, etc etc. I have to take a step back.  This winter season has brought a lot of concentration on myself. Healing and helping myself so I can be a healer and help others.  Being absolutely positive I am getting the most out of each day, celebrating the tiniest moments with my beautiful family.  Nothing is more positive and healthy than that.

I love nothing more than communication with all of my friends and family.  Everyone lives their own lives and sharing it with others from a distance can be time consuming and difficult. I'm desperately trying to eliminate the unnecessary stressors out of my day, but hope to not lose closeness.  So join me in this space, give us a call or come share our space at home! But for a period I'm going to leave facebook and all it's busyness and focus on some very exciting things... in real life :].

Enjoy your moment. Embrace the quiet. Manifest peace. Just Be. 

Love, C

                                                                                                                            

.2013

How 2012 whizzed by without me noticing, I'll never know. Just left the dust swirling in it's trail, and me running to catch up.

I hold a lot of stock in this year, and not letting it slip by. It seems something monumental has happened every year since about graduation.. last year we just lived, which is absolutely okay with me.

For the latter part of 2012, I had focused on the wrong things.  Well, maybe not wrong, but out of order in general.  I've always said I need change, I embrace change. 

Truth me told? I'm a liar.

Change scares me shitless.

I do enjoy the thought of it, but it's the process that terrifies me

Revamping Now. Changing myself, before I worry about demographics, careers, etc.

The big stuff can come later, because

the small stuff needs attention now.

Like rides on the new bikes.

And door to door girl scout cookie sales.

And long conversations with friends

Yoga and meditation.

Loving and Passing it On.

Paying it Forward.

Dates on the Couch with my husband.

The rest can wait.

[[Worry Less. Stress Less.]]

Drink more water.

Stretch Daily, both in body and Mind.

Live each day wholly.

Give adequate attention where needed.

Careful not to squander precious hours.

Leave guilt and regret.

Choose Happiness.

And don't apologize for it.

<3>

C

.Christmassy

Tis the Season!

To breathe a huge sigh of relief that Christmas is over.
That's sad.
But so, so true.

Christmas means lots of family, which is amazing!  But with Tony and I both having split parents, it means a lot of celebrations to squeeze into only a few days off, and inevitably there will be people we do not see [ie: Tony's Dad, Nanny and Aunt in MN]. But, we did our best, went into debt, and totally won the "best Christmas presents" award (we awarded each other... yes, we were that proud).  The kids had a wonderful time.  They got their bikes on Saturday and got to ride around on a beautiful, sunshiney, 57 degree day.  Three days later it was Christmas and we got snowed in at the in-laws. Olivia got the flu bug Saturday night, and I on Monday night.. meaning that I spent Christmas hurling in a trash can in the guest room having delusional dreams and aching to no end. I got up long enough in the morning to watch the kids open their gifts and long enough in the evening to make it back to my scared little spot on the couch to watch Full House Christmas episodes. Sad but true.
Monique and Judah came in on Saturday, and Adam and Kristen came down, too.  It was a total sibling party and my heart hasn't been that happy in a while.  We have the coolest siblings.

Being the sickly one I was and lacking a camera, Judah and Mo got all the gift giving pictures and will have to be added in later.  I know there was so good'ens though.

The holidays snuck up this year, and I totally wasn't prepared.  Cannot make this mistake again. No ma'am.. too much stress.

Now its [sorta] back to work, back to making a little money so we can play more.

Tony and I have huge plans for 2013.  It will be the best yet!

 Bike operations

 Playing with Uncle Adam.

 Auntie Mo is home!

Kids writing Santa a letter :]

 55+ Christmas weather means trampoline time with Papa! 

 Resurfaced after the 24 hr flu

 White Christmas!

.Seven

Oh my, Little Livi... look how big you are!

Seven.. GOSH! So old! First of all my little princess, let me tell you how PROUD I am of you.  You have gone through many things in your young little life and have come out of each situation unscathed and ready for what's to come.  I tell everyone this, but your outlook on life and your positivity is something to be admired.  You never have a bad day.  I learn so much from you and really stop to take in your intoxicating zest for life!  You are such a special person.  You are a sponge and I love when you ask me to explain something to you.  You told Sebastian yesterday "Sebastian, you're the smallest. And I'd KILL to be 4 again.. no worries, school wasn't hard and you just get to play all day. Enjoy it, Bubby." I laugh so hard.. but who could you be mimicking?? ;].  You have taught me to choose my words with caution because you never know when they will be repeated or taken completely to heart.  You're a little talker and could probably talk an entire day straight without stopping.  You love Avacados, Tomatoes, Caesar Salad and other delicious foods most 7 year olds are missing out on.  You are wise beyond your years and you are incredibly TALL!  You learned to ride your bike this year and are so very proud of yourself.  You broke your arm in July, and grew it "back together" miraculously fast.  I think you are super-girl!  There is a million things I could rant and rave about you, but I will say this : Thank You.  Thank you for being a part of my life.  Thank you for Loving me unconditionally.  Thank you for being a wonderful sister to Sebastian.  Thank you for keeping the sparkle in your eye and never letting anyone get you down.  I look up to you, little lady.


<3 mama="mama" nbsp="nbsp">

.Modify

So quite some time ago I posted I would be going back to school this year. And a year before that, I probably posted the same. It saddens me to say neither happened:(. I had full intentions of using my pell grant money to snatch up that OTA degree. Turns out, it is one of oh, four degrees that the state won't fund. Why? I never got to the bottom of that. Well I still went through the application process, funding process, all that jazz.. But then found out that of I wanted to further my education and get my masters in Occupational Therapy (which was the end goal) that none of this schooling would go towards it. Lame. Lame. Lame!!! So, the way I see it, it's go big or go home. Now I am all for setting my goals high and jumping in, but that is a HUGE financial issue. All that DEBT. That's what school screams to me. I desperately wish education wouldn't put people in the hole for half of their career.. What a scam! The whole thing makes me kind of sick. I'll dish out that money.. When I find something I just know I am called to do.  Dont get me wrong, OT would be a fantastic field for me to go into, and I truly believe I would enjoy it.. How do I know it's what I want to do with the rest of my life? Or should I say, until my loans are paid? That being said.. I put off school yet again.  I was bummed about that, but decided I would substitute at Sebastian's school this year. I filled out all the forms, got my fingerprints and background check, yet again.. Spent my money, got my sub certificate.. And the only thing I lacked was my transcripts that Tech was supposed to send off at thebeginning of August. I didn't realize they hadn't until a few days before the deadline.. Needless to say they didn't get it there in time. I got approved 5 days after the deadline :( I'm am so upest!! Figures.. I paid to go to college to get a good job. And once graduated, my college prevents me from getting a job using my degree.. That I paid for.
So. Back to the drawing board. I'm swamped as it is bonding, serving, property managing, and the occasional PI job.. But I am still ready to move onto something I'm really passionate about.
As I'm feeling all these doors slamming in my face.. Here comes an open window. I got hooked up with an awesome production crew filming a movie here locally. Im going to be working with make up and FX and be an extra in the film. I'm so excited  this opportunity presented itself. It's come at just the right time. I needed a new project, and for it to be in Theatre? Oh man, this girl is in heaven.
                                           <3c p="p">

.Grind

Back to it!

My dell finally fried [may have mentioned that?] which leaves me little to blog with.  When I'm at working, there's always work to do and I never get my blog on, which I am missing.  Going to really try to keep up. 

I cannot believe how fast September has travelled.  It's already the end, and wasn't it just the first?  Funny thing with time, as always.. but it is more much too rapidly for my tastes.

September has been a beautiful month.  Ringing in Autumn this past weekend and the weather is absolutely gorgeous.  We went on our first family camp trip the first of September in Yellville, AR on the Buffalo River.  My bestie and her hubby made the trip up to camp with us a night [have I mentioned how much I love this lady??] It was such a great weekend.  I love these mini vacations when there is absolutely nothing [important] to do even if you wanted to.. so we sit, relax, enjoy, eat, laugh and sleep.

                  {Besties!}

So, aside from attempting to relax and enjoy the few seconds of downtime we have, the rest of life is B.U.S.Y, just flat out so.  The kids are really loving school, Olivia is in a full day of school and Sebastian goes half a day.  The other half of the day he is whining about not being in school.  I absolutely LoVe the fact my kiddos love school.. but I really just need Sebastian to be a full day, because he loves it THAT much! Ha!  They are so busy themselves it is so hard to keep up.  Olivia has homework and is supposed to read 20+ books at home each month.  I think it is great her teacher requires this, reading is SO important!  Thankfully, Olivia is the top reader in her class! She is such a bright girl, I am so proud of her!! Unfortunately she has had a few issues in school this year. They have ranged from not completing work, interupting, being disorganized, talking out of turn, talking to neighbors and disrupting them, and talking talking talking! She is just a little chatterbox! She is a smart girl though, I know she will figure out school life is much more fun when not in trouble with the teacher :]  Oh! And I haven't posted those back to school pictures, yet. Here they are, making their lunches for the first day. My, they have gotten SO. BIG!!!

ANNNDDDD here they are! Excitement!!

We have implemented a "schedule" at home to help with some "spaceyness" and forgetfulness at home.  It also helps to keep the kids on task at home for organization.  Something we ALL struggle with, no doubt about that.  I wish so desperately I could say my home is spotless with everything having a place.. let me tell you, thus is NOT the case [though if I can get it to this point, I will be one. happy. mama.]  With two kids, and Tony and I working full time, life is hectic.. cleaning isn't always on the top of the list. 

Speaking of, Autumn is always my "feel good" time.  A time to clean space, a time to get myself back to being ME.  Over the past six months I have been distant from myself and my goals as I would love to achieve.  Now is the time to put the excuses, worries and procrastinations aside and go out and DO it, BE it, LIVE it and LOVE it. Cannot wait to share with you all :]

<3c>

.Recap

Summer flew, as it does.  Thought I had better get these pictures/memories on here before I have a blog lapse again [hopefully not going to happen!]  We had a lot of fun this summer.. but also had some hiccups!

We had library trips and park trips..

A fun trip to Arkansas to hang out with friends. Kids had a blast in this arcade, went bowling and kids rode go karts for the first time!

                                                    Fourth of July was a lot of fun :]

                                                      We lit a lantern for my Papa <3>

                                                And thoroughly enjoyed 4 packages of sparklers!

 Play dates!

And a broken wrist :[

     And a BIG four year old Birthday!!!!!



.Broke

Well, that's been the general consensus of the summer, and I don't only mean our wallets. 
If you live anywhere in USA, you know by now.. it's HOT.  Unbelievably so!  Our garden we worked hard on shrivelled up.  Our grass all died and turned to hay.  All the critters, bugs, animals are out scavenging for food because everything is so dry!  Back in June, when Tony was driving home from work at 1 AM, he hit a deer on the highway going about 70 mph... So, there went car #1.  After spending weeks in the shop car #2 blew a headgasket... so we actually got a double tow that day, classy.  4 days later Tony did a U-turn and ol' little red couldn't handle that... and there went car #3.  Being broke down, carless, ever needing transportation, dependent and anticipating the $$$$ car bill... let's just say June was stressful.

Ahh, sweet relief!  We finally got 2 cars up and running, looked like July was really going to shape up.  Sebastian's birthday was coming, my birthday was coming, we were spending 4 nights a week at the pool... life was good.  Our friends Kat and Max flew in to see their family in AR from California.  They went to SDC one day and totally made a detour to come see us.  Awesome!  Of course, 10 minutes into baby snuggles and catching up, Olivia jumpes OFF the trampoline...annnd breaks her wrist.  She's one tough kid, who only shed a few tears and patiently waited during our 3 hour trip at Urgent Care.  Good for her, the doctors told us she broke it "just right".  Honestly, it was the thought of no more swimming, sprinkler-ing, jumping or playig on the monkey bars that hurt her more than the broken wrist did.

After things settled down with Olivia's newfound handicap [Right handed girl broke her right wrist and is casted up to her bicep!] next came Sebastian's birthday.  Now this is the first year that he has been able to fully grasp what Birthday's are, but boy howdy does he know now!  July 15th is HIS day guys, don't even think otherwise!!  One of Sebastian's sweet, sometimes exhausting, quirks is that he becomes very fixated on things he loves.. ie: Birthday.  We had a countdown from the week leading up to his birthday, and this was repeated many, many times a day.  When the big day came, everyone chipped in to make it extra awesome for him.  We had a family breakfast..and presents.  Bud & Walts pizza for lunch with Nana & Ron, Gigi, and Aunt Kori and Uncle Adam made surprise visits from Kansas & Kansas City, respectively!  Pizza was good, family time was great... oh, and don't forget more presents!  Then orange leaf and home so Uncle Adam, I mean Sebastian.. could play with his new legos! ;]  Then.. party time.  When the doorbell first rang and he opened it up to 5 excited children his face just LIT up the room and he squealed, "Mom! My Friends! My Friends are here for my Birthday!" It was so sweet, and the only time I cried that day.:]  The biggest hit was the slip n slide and the pinata.. oh, and more presents.  After everyone went home we cranked up the music entirely too loud and crazy danced our hearts out in the living room.  It was one of those blissful moments not to be forgotten... the kids were hopped up on party favors and Special Requested 2 Tier Strawberry Gluten Free Cake.. and Mom and Dad were hopped up on party planning, too much partying for one day and delusional sleepiness, but it made me so happy that although my kids are rapidly growing, and my baby had just turned 4.. they weren't quite too big to be picked up and twilled around, time and time again.

About a week post birthday, Sebastian had a major crash-and-burn that involved toe walking, sprinting, flip flops and a concrete driveway.  We ended up at the same urgent care where by now I am sure they are having their suspicions regarding my parenting skills.. everyone scoffed at me for bringing him in, but with a goosegg the size of Montana and instant purple bruising, I wasn't going to take the chance.  But everything checked out and now we have two in the healing process!

Which brings us to August.  School is next week [HOLY COW!] and my little pre-k and 1st grader are more than ready!  We've met teachers, orientated, and now just ready for Tuesday.  It's going to be a fabulous year, I think I am as excited for them!!

<3>C

.Labels

Labeling has become a sad epidemic in our society.  Classifying, stereotyping, sorting people into groups to reach greater numbers of people, impersonally, but efficiently. Labels can be such a strong starting point for insecurity and basis for depleting feeling of self worth.  But labels can be beneficial, and also necessary at times. To explain, let me regress.
From the time Sebastian was very small, I saw the danger and toxicity in comparing my child to anyone else's.  I made it a goal to stay away from the "one-uppers" and go with my gut.  Each child is unique, an individual being just as any other, and will grow and progress at their very own pace.  The first indication I had that an issue may be present was Sebastian's constant state of discontent.  Even as a baby, he was only content and happy for a spurt of time, then he would tire and become bored or unhappy with the current scenery, activity, environment, etc.  When he started walking, I figured the frustration would lesson, but such was not the case. So many more things to get into, and so many more opportunities to hear the word "No!".  But along came another issue.. little Sebastian is a toe-walker and has been from day One.  At about 18 months, after a few comments, the word "Autism" being thrown around, some research and lots of worry over development, we went to see the pediatrician who referred him to Physical Therapy. And there our ball starting rolling, so to speak. He started physical therapy for his toe walking, Following in Daddy's footsteps! From there the PT referred him to speech therapy for the fact he hadn't yet started talking. Shortly thereafter we started Occupational Therapy. I cannot say enough about these incredible women, how patient and kind they were and how much help they were to me. As Sebastian developed from baby to toddler, the discontent grew. It escalated into frustration, for both himself and his concerned parents. His cooing would turn to screaming in a bat of an eye. And boy, could this kid SCREAM! Let's hope those vocal chords of steel make him lots of money someday... ;) After about 10 months of therapies, research and doctors visits, we got Sebastian into our school district for testing. They decided he would be diagnosed with "A Young Child with Developmental Delay". Heart wrenching for any Mama, finding out my little guy was behind on his milestones and generally not the happy toddler we wanted him to be. As I skim through this year (2), I vividly remember some perfectly blissful days, and many more days filled with frustration for him (and us!) it just killed me. But at the end of each of these stressful days I had to remind myself that he was healthy and we were moving in the right direction.. Two things not to be overlooked. Sebastian started at the special education preschool in August of 2011. If there is anything I can stress, I owe the people at this school SO much. They were angels in our lives. Not only were they working with Sebastian daily, but doing it with amazing patience, kindness and Love. They genuinely cared for Sebastian and his development, they kept me informed of every detail and provided so much emotional support. No Mother can watch their child struggle daily without a heavy heart. I felt lost, lacking control and not sure which direction to turn. At the end of his first year of preschool we were presented with the issue that we needed to get a real diagnosis.. From a doctor. This is where the title of the post comes into place. I was perfectly happy with the care and help we were receiving but to continue to pay for therapies we needed to get alternate insurance, and for that we needed a diagnosis Sebastian was evaluated by an Autism clinic here in Springfield. (Burrell, fantastic!)  In May of this year, we got his official diagnosis.  Sebastian is on the Autism Spectrum, but has diagnosis of PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified).  Sebastian has Autistic traits but is not classified as "true Autistic" because he does not show all of the delays and "symptoms" so to speak.  I am thankful, for the simple fact we were able to get insurance for him.  What this label means to us is that we can provide more help, both in teaching our son and teaching ourselves.  The people we have come into contact in the past 2 1/2 years have been nothing but a blessing in our lives. This Label does nothing but help us.  It does not hinder us, it does not change the Love we have for our precious child, nor should it change anyones opinion of him.  He should not be held at a lower standard or felt sorry for, he should not be discriminated against or made fun of.  I am thankful for this incredible opportunity to be Sebastian's Mama, and vow myself to him, to do my absolute best. And for once in my life, I am thankful for the power of a Label.

<3
C

.Love Conquers

Just as things start to spiral, a touch of reality can slam me back into place.
Thank god for the Love I am surrounded with!
With two healthy children, a functional & beautiful marriage, cars to drive and a house to sleep in..food on the table, the rest just deserves to be put on the backburner.  Fortunate does not seem to cover it. Blessed is more like it.
Things seemed to have taken a rough turn in the last couple of weeks.  Sebastian's behavior was not up to par.  The tantrums and fits seem to spawn from no where, after we had come so far.  I feared regression like I never had and just prayed for this phase to pass.  But then, as per usual, I kick myself.  How can I wish away these years? The toddler age is so innocent, so sweet.. and SO frustrating!  There is no reasoning with my determined child, on any matter.  What to wear, where we are going, what to eat, what cup the juice is in.. simple things that may seem very trivial, but after spawning an argument, these things become exhausting and incredibly annoying!  After a few weeks of utter frustration with the fact Sebastian and I cannot seem to agree on ANYTHING, I've realized.. I have to take a step back.  I have to appreciate.  I have to laugh this off! At the end of the day, just telling another person why I got so frustrated is humorous.  Really? Your 3 year old pissed you off because he refused to put on his clothes? There are much bigger stressors in the world!  And then it comes full circle.
As Sebastian has fully devoted all attention and energy into being onery and defiant.. he has also made some huge milestones.  He is breaking into his social scene and interacting with EVERYONE!  He likes to be the center of attention [no surprise there].  He also drew his first self portrait, which is also his first cognitive drawing.  He told me where he was putting his eyes, nose, mouth, ears, hair, arms and feet..and viola! this masterpiece is the equivalent of my artistic abilities! At age 3!  This Mama is so impressed. And totally forgives the million dollar meltdowns happening every 30 minutes.  We will get through this, kid ;]
Ms. Thang is really becoming quite the academic. She continues to amaze me with how fast she picks up on things.  In 6 short months she has gone from reading practically nothing [and no interest, either] to reading 1st grade level books with a little assistance!  She has become fascinated and it's something that seems to slow her brain down a bit and make her focus.  It is so impressive and sweet to watch her struggle, then overcome a difficult read.  That's my little bookworm!  As for the sassiness, well, I did say she was amazing. She is so sly in the way she retaliates.. it is hilarious!  We are going to have a HANDFUL come pre-teen years.  Ah well, my sense of humor is growing quickly!
I took Olivia to see Annie, which was our first live theatre together!  She was definitely captivated, and I think we now share a passion!  She's been cracking me up trying to recall the music "It's a not-fair life for us, it's a hard, cold life for us! Instead of cookies, we get tricks!"  and keeps asking if I can get her into "on stage"  as her next extracurricular.  Let's see what Mama comes up with!
Watching a show that I performed in has left this burning desire I can't extinguish.  I'm so very tempted to audition for RENT in March.  Being my favorite musical, I'd be happy just to pull the curtain just to be a part of it.  I'm sure that rehearsals with conflict with my single-mommy time though, and this makes me so sad.  Ah, well.. at least I already have tickets to the show ;]
Not sure if I have shared in the blog world yet or not, but this woman finally made a decision [hard to come by, I'm soo indecisive..] I'll be returning to school this year!  Going into the Occupational Therapist Assistant's program and could not be more excited!! Classes will be down the road and it will help me immensely to learn and grow along side Sebastian.  I'll be weaning away from Bail Bonding this year, so far have kept incredibly busy with Process Serving, but I hope to have time to apply to be a substitute teacher/para for Sebastian's school to get some awesome experience in.  I cannot wait for this chapter in life to unfold!
Sending nothing but LOVE into the Universe! May it hit you like a ton of bricks.

<3
C

.Endings

As the new year rolls around each year, I become more and more nostalgic.  I have always been a person who can sob over the past and shake like a leaf thinking of the future.  Life has a was of fascinating me, while scaring me to death.  As fast as 2011 passed us by, I am almost scared for 2012, as I am sure it will fly by even faster.
I haven't posted in a while, mainly because our computer is infested with nasty virus' and we are moreso waiting to get another instead of investing to fix this one.  But as 2012 rolls around, I hope to keep up a little better on my blog and documenting life in general.  Pictures, excerpts and things I have written down are all memories cherished that could have been potentially lost [especially with my foggy memory] so they are like gems to me.

Christmas 2011 is definitely one to be remembered.  With my family being split, and Tony's family being in Arkansas [and Portugal!] the holidays mean a LOT of running around for us.  Take Thanksgiving for example.  We went and had lunch with my mom's side of the family, ran over for dessert with my dad's side, then hurried out to drive 3 hours to get to Arkansas for Thanksgiving with Tony's family.  I love traveling, visiting, etc so much.. but I realize now it is time to start our own thing.  We decided we were staying put this year for Christmas, and were so so fortunate a lot of our family was able to come to our home to celebrate with us.  We are blessed with such an amazing group!

We started our own traditions this year, starting with our Christmas tree.  I remember as a child how special that one night was, when we dragged in the live tree, my dad getting so frustrated with the thing and the mess, then me convincing everyone we needed to be in PJs and blaring the Christmas music, and decorating the tree.  It was so traditional, so classic and made me feel so good.  As I've gotten older, the tree has had less and less impact on me, and the past few years it has been almost an afterthought.  We haven't ever put up a Christmas tree for our little family.  Since both the kids are in school this year, they learned everything there was to know about Christmas, and have created quite the obsession with the Christmas tree and screamed in delight everytime we would see one.  So we decided to do something a little different.  I found a very plain, quaint homemade Christmas tree on pinterest.  Showed Tony and asked what he could do.  I should have guess my wonderfully creative husband would put his own amazing spin on it.  It was year one, and the tree was a little bare this year, but it is something that can grow and change with our family, besides.. the kids love it.

As the New Year generally does, change has been brought. But it is the kind that is welcomed with open arms. There is never a better time than the present, to give yourself that little kick in the ass you've been needing.  To open up and take a good look at yourself, decide the best parts and the worst, and set out to create harmony in your own life.  I don't necessarily like resolutions, because I feel like life is an ever changing journey, and I am one to resolve to move mountains all year long.  But if anything, I am resolving today to focus on helping myself become the best I can, the person I want to be, an excellent role model and mother.  I spend a lot of time fretting on things that either don't matter, or cannot be changed.  If I can channel that energy into helping myself, I know that my world around me can improve by the simple changes I can make.

2012 is off with a jump start of clarity and Love.  Each day is so precious to me, for which I am so very thankful!  I pray it is a beautiful year for all of us. <3

With love,
C

.Proud

I've always been a "Fix It" type of person.  If I love someone, I'm more than likely going to scheme on how to fix their problems and make them disappear.  If I had one superpower.. That would be it! Swooping in to save the day [[Sebastian loves the word "swoop" and he gets this mischievous grin every time he says it, adorable.]]  So, along comes life's many non-fixable problems. The ones that "just have to work themselves out"... you know, the really irritating ones.  For about 6 months now I've really been scheming.. internally scheming, so much I think it's defeated the entire purpose.  I feel like I did a full circle walking backwards.. I'm back where I started but definitely wasted some time there, but we move forward.  I have a new clarity, a new path.. just trying to let go of the ropes a little bit.  No matter how tight I hang on, the dang horse is gonna go where he's gonna go...  Ya know?

Anywho, my lovely cousin Lauren posted a Dr.Suess quote that definitely hit home perfect today. 

"and when you're in a slump, you're not in for much fun

Un-slumping yourself is not easily done"

Our little family of four has been through quite a bit in the past 6 months.  A slump was bound to happen.  But I'm insanely proud at how we are bouncing back, moving forward.  Un-slumping may not be easily done.. but it is absolutely necessary.

<3C

.Halloween

It would be nice if my brain came with a record button.  I lose so many thoughts and funny things the kids say due to running around, living life and not writing them down! Anywho..


So hype of Halloween came about the time fall hit.  Olivia has told me for 3 or 4 months now that she wanted to be a Vampire Queen.  Where she got that, I'm not sure.. haha, but it was decided.  I love her fearless originality and drive to make it just so.  I doubt Sebastian remembers last Halloween much, but anytime someone would ask him what he wanted to be for Halloween, he would answer "Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven"  this cracked me up for weeks.  And honestly it took me until I was typing this out to realize.. "Halloween" and "Trick-or-Treat" sound an awful lot like "Twenty-Three" LOL! Crazy man.  Anyways, we went to borrow a cape from a friend and Sebastian found a Pirate's hook, so that was settled.  These two are crazy! And I couldn't love them more.

Daddy was able to weasel his way out of a half night at work, so he could come trick or treat with the kids.  I'm so thankful he was able to.  There's just something about watching your kids have the time of their lives that you cannot share with anyone else.

It was too much fun.  Olivia was scared of decorations, even the really cheesey ones so that really made me laugh.  Sebastian was ALL about the candy.  Here's his routine.. Run at door, possibly trip and fall [occasionally cry] knock 1 time, whisper "trick or treat, thank you", attempt to open the door.. often succeeding. Once candy had be properly placed [in his hand] he would tear off yelling  "Let's go! Next one! I get more candy! YAYYYY!" Pretty awesome little dude. Yeah Yay!  He also kept saying "Let's go find Mary's house. C'mon Mom, let's go find her"  I have no idea who Mary is...Hmmm... totally creepy.
We made sure to stop at our next door neighbors house, and they surprised the kids with their own, decked out goody bag.  It was just super sweet to have them thinking of us and the kids.  Olivia always hollars at Steve while they are jumping on the trampoline and she can jump high enough to see over the privacy fence lol.  I love that they are so good hearted.  Tonight Livy and I are making thank you's.  I realized that we have not been very neighborly since we moved in.  We've of course met everyone on the street, they are all significantly older than us but very kind, but realized we should reach out to these people while we are occupying the same space..something that won't happen again!  It's incredible how people can be such a staple in your life [always waving at the neighbor when you pull in] then a simple move loses that forever.  Most of the time you aren't close enough to keep up with one another, so that period of life and seeing those particular people daily, is gone.


   These are the things I think about.  Sorry for the Rambling.


All in all, Halloween was Fabulous.  Only downside, I didn't have enough time [nor the face paint] to get dressed up.  That will be the last year for that, it felt totally out of character.

I can't stay inside this week, outside is much too gorgeous.


<3C

.Where we are

Stop.
Breathe.
Enjoy.
Relax.

Where we are...

Daddy Benedict
Still working for the Union, but happy to have a job.  Creating, crafting and playing guitar.  Is cute when he gets excited and works for hours and hours on something.  Makes Mommy not so happy when he sleeps and sleep. ;]

Momma Benedict
Still getting in the groove of work and school.  Learning nothing is predictable and we must go with the flow.  Trying my hardest daily, soaking up every minute.  Still annoying the family with my constant picture taking and the need to capture every minute.

Sissy Benedict
Excited to go to school everyday, befriends anyone she meets.. social butterfly to the max!  Mama's already worried about the boys... Into so many toys and books and ideas, creative too.  Loves to sing, dance and play pretend. Loves to be the boss ;] Always busy, but will hardly ever find her in a bad mood.  Wants to do everything, all the time..Can hardly fit it all into one day!

Bubby Benedict
Has learned that cuddling his mommy goes a long way ;] Loves practically every character from movies and books.  Reads like you wouldn't believe, and learns so much from his books.  Can stack blocks like a pro, and learning to play pretend with Sissy. Won't stay in his bed to save his life, but I can't say I complain when he comes and snuggles between Tony and I in the morning  :]

We wake up every morning with something to look forward to and we are thankful each day.  If everyone had just a little of what we have, the world would be fine :]

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C

.Mommy Mess

A wet blanket kind of day..
Nothing seemingly going right but that's only my mindset.  I was feeling down and out and knowing I should hibernate for the next two days so I don't unleash on some poor, unsuspecting soul, but then my husband called with wise words of wisdom for a refreshing surprise. [He is really brilliant, but only opens up with that once in a while!] So I was starting to feel better and hating on myself less, then I stumbled upon some fantastic Mommy blogs which really put me back in perspective.

We all have these days. Finding humor in it is healing.

I love my kids. You know that by now, I mean.. I REALLY love em.  And they are a mess.  Sebastian is in the phase, he is really good when you are down there playing with him.  You leave him alone for some self directed play... you will find every toy down from it's place, dumped out, stepped on and forgotten in the rush to drag something else out.  This morning he got in trouble for tearing all of Olivia's books from her bookshelf all over the floor.  No good.  I don't know what it is about this family and their MESS.  I will confess, my mess is clothes.  I don't like to pick up clothes and I don't like to put them away.  I do like to wash them, and if I remember to put them in the dryer I'm REALLY proud of myself... then they sit there wrinkling all the while in the laundry basket.  But man. My kids. My husband... it's almost if they enjoy just seeing all their stuff, EVERYWHERE.  It's incredible they can even think with so much mess going on!   Trying to enforce cleaning up after playing is proving difficult and a constant job.  I don't want to constantly be harping on them to clean up.. but also need the good habit.  I can't think when the stuff is everywhere, surely they can't as well!
Then Livy, man girl can get DIRTY.  I have probably have spent 15 bucks recently on cleaning agents for her clothes alone.  I cannot fathom how during one day they get like that.  It's almost as if at school she covers herself in glue and rolls down the hallway.. Who knows what really happens there.

I've got a nice shed out back.  I may let the three slovenly Benedict's occupy the mainland, and I will float myself off to the very back of the backyard, and send detour directions so when you come over, you won't have a panic attack.

Or, I'll embrace it.

Maybe.

.Nonsense

...It is all I have for you today.

It's officially Autumn, and absolutely gorgeous.  I'd take a day like today over and over and over again.  Work was..well..work.  A lot of spinning wheels.  But I don't mind driving around all day so much when it is the absolute perfect temperature outside.  When the kids got home from school we spent the afternoon in the backyard.. first picking up walnuts [is it slave labor is they want to help?!] Olivia was intrigued by the fact we could sell the walnuts to make money.  "How much.. fifty WHOLE cents??!" I told her if she could be a great big helper, we could use the money to buy her birthday presents [am I the queen of Scam Artist Moms?].. I've never seen a girl pick up walnuts with such vigor.  Then we got knee deep in the garden space.. it is definitely NOT a garden yet.. but soon it will be.  The kids we an awesome help and we actually got almost half of it cleared.  I fried up some eggplant for dinner [a first] and it was delicious. Deep cleaned the kitchen and vacuumed the couch [mmhmm. that couch thanked me after].
Livy's mom brought the rest of her stuff up here.. so it has been fun for both the kids playing with all of her "new" toys.. and it has been fun for Mama to go through all of the "new" books.  There is something about books.. I can't get enough.  Even if it is children's books.. maybe more so if it is children's books.. I just want to get to the heart of it, I want to find out where it's coming from.  One day... no matter where I live.. I want the walls lined with books.  Years and years of books. Floor to ceiling.  One shelf will be authored by me.

It's past late.. now we Rest. Stop. Repeat.

Gratefully Blessed.

<3
C

.Sometimes

Sometimes.. your life and all that surrounds becomes full.
Sometimes... your outlet is at the very bottom on the to-do list.
Sometimes... you can't find the words.
So... sometimes.. you steal a survey [myspace style, baby!] from your cutesy friend Amy and go with that. :]

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C






A. Age: 23

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore that you hate: Hanging up laundry & scrubbing toilets/tubs. Blech.

D. Dogs: are fabulous.  Their loyalty and understanding is amazing!

E. Essential start to your day:   Low Acidity Coffee & two hugs from the babes :]

F. Favorite color: I'll never pick just one. I have scheme's I like best. Mustard yellow/burnt orange/teal .... pink/orange/yellow...

G. Gold or Silver:  White gold!

H. Height: 5 ft 7 1/2 in.  Doctors told my parents I would be over 6 foot.. yeaaah I'm happy that didn't work out.

I. Instruments you play: Flute, piccolo, piano.. a little guitar

J. Job title: Mommy. Bail Bondsman. Office Manager. Civil Process Server. Private Investigator. House Cleaner. Driver.

K. Kids: My step daughter is 5 and my son is 3 :]

L. Live: Near Springfield, MO

M. Mother’s name: Pamela but she will kill you if you use it.

N. Nicknames: Crysta L, Tristle, CMarsh, Latsyrc

O. Overnight hospital stays: After Sebastian they held us hostage for a few days...

P. Pet peeves: People who prompt, but won't ask flat out..Society and it's silly rules, the way I ALWAYS roll up a few hairs in the window of my car.. look right & owww!!

Q. Quote from a movie: "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that"

R. Right or left handed: Right normally, but I come prepared.

S. Siblings: 2 older brothers and an older sister.  My family is a hodgepodge and I love it.

U. Underwear:  The Lacie by Vickie's Secret. So. Damn. Comfortable!
.
V. Vegetable you hate:  Mustard Greens. I can eat almost any vegetable raw. Once you cook it, I'm super picky.

W. What makes you run late: Two children under 5. And another who is 25... I hate being late! But no matter HOW prepared I am to get out the door... these three... I swear.... ;]
 
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Hmmm Lungs, Arm, Ribs, teeth of course.

Y. Yummy food that you make:  Bring on the sweets! I'm the baker, Tony's the chef.

Z. Zoo animal: Giraffes.They are incredible and seem so gentle! Lions as well, I like to think that it's not my fault I just wanna lay in the sun, stretch and sleep all day, too.

.Patience

Patience.. Patience.. Patience...

It's my mantra.

It's the only word I seem to know these days.

Life has taken yet another turn to a place I never knew existed, but it's amazing how I fit right in.

I am continually blessed by this world around me.  I am slowly but surely carving out my way, using myself and my soul as a guide, as well as the other three beautiful pieces of my soul that teach me daily.  I'm so in love with this family of four we have built.  We have become one unit, one foundation.. constantly leaning on one another, holding each other up with the love, compassion and support.  It is amazing to see the love resonate from this house, the house Olivia tenderly calls "the Only Benedict House", and there is nothing quite like it.  My heart lifts being here.. my soul has taken flight!

I must enjoy the past but never dwell, it's a place I can get lost.

I must have Patience as life unfolds and only live in the moment.

I must have the knowledge that whatever may come, will come, and as long as I have Benedict's 1, 2, & 3.. that's all I need.



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C

.Sillies

Once again, life has gotten too serious.  Between work demanding constant attention and living the life of a full blown school Mom.. my brain is shot.  Lately I started harboring feelings and ending up feeling more or less numb, which is not me.  I am a person who lives and feels wholly, good or bad.
I have decided to take a step back and get in touch with my roots. Which is just Living Simply.  I'm trying to clarify my mind and help myself with the transitions of Real World and Home Life.. but even this proves difficult.  My job and everything surrounding my life outside of my home is not easily presentable to kids.  I work with inmates and their families daily.  Attornies and their clients.  Even the dirty end of the law, the clients who run.  There is nothing good to be said about that breed.. and is the farthest thing from what I want my children to grow up to know.  I'm very honest with my kids (at this age, Olivia) in what I do.. but have to keep it to a minimum because it's hard to explain to a 5 year old why I get the "bad guys" out of jail.
So this is what I am struggling with, but I know I can find the Balance I need.
I've taken to constant music therapy, yoga, books books and MORE books.. for both me and the kids, and just plain acting silly.  My kids want ONLY to play with me, 100% of the time.  At the end of a looong day, it's hard to muster the energy to be the gnarled dragon in her fairytale, or the tickle monster hiding under his bed.  But you know, when I do just let it all go and surround myself with their innocent minds and their fervent imaginations, I feel instantly better. These two are amazing beings of their own, and the passion and excitement they have for life is exuberant and fabulously inspiring.

Thank you babies, for continuing to teach me wonderful things I haven't had the opportunity to learn. You are incredible!

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